The Mark of a Man

“The world cries for men who are strong – strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer. I pray that you will be that kind of man.”

These words were written by Elisabeth Elliot to her nephew Pete. They set forth an uncompromising challenge for men to accept their divinely ordained role of manliness. But what does masculinity really mean in a time when we are careful to emphasize the equality of men and women? In the book, “The Mark of a Man”, Elisabeth examines the many characteristics of manhood that were exemplified in the life of Christ. The following is an excerpt from that book. This is from one of the last chapters of the book. The preceding chapters reveal how Jesus' life demonstrated the distinctive traits of responsibility, sacrifice, courage, obedience, initiative, forgiveness, and endurance. Men who seek to follow him must walk the same path.

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There are five ways you can help that woman who will be your wife be the woman you want her to be.

First off, be a man. I’ve said that in a hundred ways, but I’ll say it again. You expect her to be a real woman, but you can’t expect that if you’re not a real man. It is in response to the fullest expression of your manliness that she will be most womanly. When she’s not living up to your expectations, check yourself out first. Are you taking the lead as you ought to, with an attitude of humility and submission to Christ? Are you remembering that you’re the one responsible for her?

Second, make her glad she’s a woman. One way to do this is to notice things. An honest compliment can make her light up. So she hasn’t got the figure of Farreh Fawcett, but does she carry herself beautifully? Say so. Has she pretty hands? Tell her. Another way is to be courteous. Courtesy is a way of reminding each other that you’re a gentleman and a lady. No matter how “old shoe” you both like to be – casual, unstructured, simple, sincere, “just me,” or whatever – you’ll be surprised what pleasures will unfold if you treat each other with a little special consideration. I’ve already mentioned some of the specifics: Pull out her chair for her at the table, open a door. Keep on remembering the little things after you’re married. They often have a way of vanishing, one by one, as familiarity breeds slobbism. Get up some morning, make the coffee, and bring a cup to her in bed, with a daisy or a book on the tray. She’ll be amazed.

Lars knows how to make me glad I’m a woman. Gradually and patiently he showed himself a gentleman and made me feel like a lady, during courting days, but the lever that finally tipped the rock was his saying to me one day, “I’m going to be the one building the fences around you, and I’m going to stand on all sides.”

Third, understand that leadership is for her help and redemption and be willing to take charge. That includes not making excuses when you fail. It includes spiritual headship in your home. Many men feel that their wives are more spiritually minded, more sensitive to God, more religious, than they are. Therefore they defer to them in the matter of family prayer. They shouldn’t. Even if you believe your wife to be your spiritual superior, you are the appointed priest in your home. You need not compete with her. You certainly don’t have to preach a sermon at breakfast every morning. Just take the lead in reading a portion of the Bible or the Daily Light, that wonderful collection of Scripture verses for morning and evening. Lead in prayer. Let it be as simple as you want, but pray. Ruth Graham said she believes if a husband will pray for his wife and the things she is going to do that day, and if the wife prays for her husband and the things he is going to do, that marriage will be strengthened as the years go by. There is no calculating the influence on the children when their father, by daily example, leads them to God.

Fourth, love her with the love described in 1 Corinthians. Try putting your own name in place of the word love: Pete is slow to lose patience, has good manners, knows no limit to his endurance…” How does it work?

Last, remember that you are heirs together of the grace of life. This is one of the great equalities of the Bible, that men and women are all the recipients of the grace that is greater than all our sin. It will cover her sins against you. It will cover your sins against her. It will cover your past and hers. It will cover everything in the future.

In the realm of the operation of grace, distinctions of nationality, social status, and sex are gone. There is no longer Jew and Greek, slave and free man, male and female. And as there is no differentiation between male and female in their both bearing the image of God and in being morally responsible to Him, so there is no differentiation in their being the objects of God’s grace. But as they bear the image of the earthly differently (in different physical bodies), so they bear the image of the heavenly differently: the woman in response, the man in initiation.
-- Elisabeth Elliot "The Mark of a Man"

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