There Appears To Be Only Death

"So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder." --Jesus (Matthew 19:6)

Dear X,

While I can not fully appreciate your suffering because I have not been through the total breakdown of a marriage relationship, every man or woman who has been married for several years, has probably seen at least glimpses of that pain in their marriages. Even though Jesus indicated divorce could happen, He made it clear that it would be like being physically torn apart. So, tremendous pain and suffering is and will be the result. Studies show that children are better off in a family with estranged parents living in the same house than when they separate or get divorced. Separation and divorce seem like a way to rest from the pain of the relationship. But, the suffering goes on through the children. And, it can be terrible to see their suffering.

So, while you have resentment toward your wife and no longer know the inner person, she is the mother of your children and the person that you vowed before God and man to love whether well or sick (and she is spiritually sick), rich or poor and through thick and thin. It's hard to say and harder to do, but if you don't fight this divorce tooth and toenail, you will join in the responsibility for whatever crop it produces in your children. Whether you end up divorced or not, you are called to continue to do all you can to be reconciled.

Consider how we rejected God. We turned against God. We joined up with Satan and gave him our loyalty. I did not desire a relationship with the Lover of my soul. But, God did not just turn his back on us and say, "Go to hell." He struggled for us through our rejection, ridicule, flogging and crucifixion. Jesus' life and death says, "I will love you even though I don't know the person you have become. I will love you even though you hate me. I will love you no matter what you do to me."

Even though you admit you are partly at fault in the relationship breakdown, you do not have to be a party to the decision to blow it up. You are the father of your children and, for their sake, you are called to lay down your desires for another love relationship and to continue to struggle in this relationship to give them a better future. I'm sure you realize that you do not have the strength for this approach. But, God will give you grace for it if you will determine to stand by your word and fight for your children and your wife. If you win, the bride you married that seems to have died will reappear someday and will thank you. Your children will thank you for fighting to keep your vow. But now, she will hate you for taking this position. You have been terribly wounded. Are you a man of your word? Will you keep your vow that you made to God? God wants to give you grace. I know you do not want to fight on and do not want to hear this. You can do it. Do it for your children, do it for the bride that you married that seems to have died, and do it for God who died for you to see you become his son. Pray for grace to be Jesus to your family. He will give you grace to carry this cross and even to be crucified. God can bring new life where there appears to be only death.

God's desire for each of us:
It will no longer be said to you, "Forsaken,"
Nor to your land will it any longer be said, "Desolate";
But you will be called, "My delight is in her,"
And your land, "Married";
For the LORD delights in you,
And to Him your land will be married. (Isaiah 62:4)