Pain Redeeming Power

Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin; that he no longer should live the rest of [his] time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.

We naturally want to avoid pain and suffering. Yet Jesus warned us that in this world we would have trouble. Pain, suffering and sorrow are sometimes going to be a natural part of our lives. The temptation is to go extremes to escape the pain. So, we may draw back from a relationship because we fear or can not endure the emotional pain that our spouse or potential spouse can cause. I know a man who told me that he and his wife decided to not have children because he thought that he would be a bad parent and, as a result, would have problem children. When I love someone then I put myself in their power and they can hurt me. That pain can come from their words, actions or attitudes. But, it can also come from losing them or from sharing in their pain.

When pain comes or when suffering is seen in the distance, we have a choice. Often, the first thought is to reject it and try to escape it. Alternatively, we can confront the situation and keep bringing the hurt to Jesus in faith that He is redeeming it. Emotional wounds can be the most difficult to heal. One reason is that we often keep it hidden and hardly admit it to ourselves. Some of us never get out into the opportunities, adventures and thrills of life because we're afraid of the pain of failure. Many of us are afraid of rejection and draw back from telling the Good News of Jesus to those who are wandering through life, sliding toward a dark abyss.

God is in the business of redeeming pain. Let's stop running away from pain, complaining about how we've been hurt, or looking for the magic potion from our doctor. Instead, let's genuinely come into Jesus' presence with our suffering, tell Him how we feel, ask Him to redeem it and then determine, through Jesus, to do whatever we should be doing in His eyes. This may mean being cheerful when we hurt, patient while we wait, attempting reconciliation, or risking falling in love. It may mean allowing someone to crucify us. Only by His strength can we suffer with the same attitude (or mind) as Christ. But, His power really is there for us. Jesus said we would inevitably have tribulation and trouble in this world but He also said to be of good cheer because His pain redeeming power is available to us.

In the world you shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. (Jn 16:33)

Tested by Praise

For the Mighty One has done great things for me -- holy is his name.

Recently, I attended a short team meeting at my office. When I walked into the conference room, I saw that we were going to have cake and a celebration of some kind. Then I saw that the cake was decorated with my name on it. Since I was about to have a birthday, I thought maybe someone at work at gotten wind of it. But, it turned out to be recognition for some work related awards. In many ways, I felt like I was just doing my job where many times I find myself asking God for guidance, right attitudes, and inspiration.

Many of us have experienced promotions, awards or recognition. There is a proverb that says "As gold is tested in the crucible, so are the hearts of men tested by praise." These can be occasions that become temptations to believe that we actually are wonderful, wise or strong. Yet, we get health, talents, and inspiration from our Maker and from the Holy Spirit. We also get the benefits of support and training from our family. And, we can accomplish very little without the team work of many others.

Our primary focus must be to find ways to build God's Kingdom and to spread the influence of His Spirit wherever we can. This means being good workers, inspiring leaders and examples of His presence everywhere. It means praying for Him to enter into all aspects of our lives including our family relationships, work activities and the time we spent chit-chatting with friends, co-workers and neighbors.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory. (Eph 3:20)

Dig out the flashlight

Your word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. (Ps 119:105)

We were wanting to dig some luggage out of the attic last night. But, we couldn't see it in the darkness. Instead of fumbling around and trying to feel our way, we turned on a flashlight. What a difference it made!

I'm frequently tempted to think I don't have time for reading, meditating and prayer. But, in reality, I will waste a huge amount of life if I am wondering in darkness.

If the above verse is true, how much light is in your life today? Let's dig out the flashlight.

It Colors Every Choice

"but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15

God gives each of us gifts, talents, time and choices. Our choices determine what happens to the gifts, talents, and time. There is one fundamental choice that will drive and color all the others. Will I serve myself, do what I feel like, and seek to expand my self image or will I serve the Lord, doing what I may not always feel like and expanding His image? Let us forget our past poor choices and reach for the high calling of living in and for Christ. Life in Christ is only possible if Christ is living in us. He will live in us if we genuinely repent of serving self and trust Jesus for direction, purpose and fulfillment.

This book may be of interest to you. If you've already read it let me know what you think of it.

=== from Paul Byerly ====
One of you sent me a link to a story about John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert . Dr. Gottman is a mathematician who has found ways to apply math to couples and very accurately predict who will stay married and who will not, or more specifically to tell with better than 90% accuracy what is going to happen to a relationship over the next three years. By looking at what is done by couples cope well versus those who do not, Gottman has found ways of significantly helping 75% of couples in very short periods of time.


A few interesting tid-bits from the article:

• 67% of couples have a significant decrease in relationship happiness in the first 3 years following the birth of their first child.
• 96% of the time the way a conflict goes for the first 3 minutes determines how it goes for the rest of the discussion.
• 69% of the time couples are talking about the same issues year after year - and these are usually based on basic things like personality differences.
• Sharing dreams had a huge positive impact on couples.
• Couples who have no connection, but put on a good marriage show, tend to divorce 16-22 years after they wed.
• Similar situations tend to cause women fear and men anger.

I've not read Gottman's book, but it's on it's way from Amazon!
==============

Only On Father's Day

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God has given you. (Exodus 20)

I recently spoke to a man who had a portrait of his grandfather in his office. When I asked about it, he said that his grandfather was the greatest man that ever lived. Then he paused and said, "except for One." This man honored his grandfather in his heart and in his words. His honor was obviously sincere.

This commandment to honor is repeated many times in the Bible. And, this is the season that we are encouraged by business to show honor by finding things to buy for our parents. Yet, like the rest of the Ten Commandments, this commandment can be genuinely obeyed only when our actions and words are a sincere manifestation of our internal thoughts and attitudes. A person who speaks to his mother only at Christmas and Mother's day obviously has a relationship problem and does not genuinely love and honor her.

The quality of our honor and respect for our parents is not manifest in occasional gifts but in the positive energy of our relationship. If we find their presence tiresome, their ideas boring and generally have more important things to do than to talk to them, then our relationship will manifest our attitudes with infrequent visits and conversation. Also, if we speak of them to others with respect and honor, when they are not around, it demonstrates that our words come from our heart rather than just our lips.

" A son honors his father, and a servant his master Then if I am a father, where is My honor? And if I am a master, where is My respect?' says the LORD of hosts to you, .. Malachi 1

In the same way, the quality of our honor and love for God is shown in the energy of our relationship with Him. Do we actually desire to hear His words and understand His ideas? Or, do we find time listening and talking to Him to be boring, tiresome and less important than reading the news or watching our favorite sports entertainment? Do we honor Him with purified hearts or do we enter into "worship" or "communion" with hidden sins. Do we bring hatred and resentment to the table? Maybe we bring hatred toward a relative, spouse, ex-spouse, or neighbor? If we bring resentment and hatred to worship, then we clearly haven't honored God's desire and command to do all we can to be reconciled.

In some of the other commandments, God makes it clear that He desires us to honor and respect Him. In Jesus, God has made it very clear the extremes that He will go to in order to be reconciled with us. Yet, the choice of entering into a genuine relationship with Him depends on us changing our minds about sin and about our priorities. It has been estimated that, in the United States, at least 80% of those who call themselves Christian are actually false converts. They believe in Jesus but they have not truly repented of their wrong desires, their favorites sins and especially of being boss of their own lives. Let's test ourselves. Do I really want God's will and direction in my life? If so, when was the last time I read the Bible to see how it applied to my life? Was it today or only on Sunday, Christmas, Easter, or Father's Day?

Loving Solutions

This book sounds like one that could be very helpful and is one that I will be reading soon. I suspect each of us sometimes falls into the category of being a difficult spouse (I know I am sometimes a challenge to live with) or having a difficult spouse. Even if we have a wonderful marriage and there are no problems between us and our spouse, there will be friends and relatives that we could possibly help with this information. Have any of you read it? If so, please comment on the book here.

A book recommendation: Loving Solutions - by Gary Chapman (author of The Five Love Languages )

The book for those married to difficult or unresponsive spouses, Loving Solutions shares practical insight into dealing with the irresponsible, workaholic, controlling, uncommunicative, verbally abusive, physically abusive, sexually abused, unfaithful, alcoholic, drug abusing, or depressed spouse. At best it will help you do things that will lead to a positive change, at worst it will help you deal with the situation in a way that reduces your frustration.

There Appears To Be Only Death

"So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder." --Jesus (Matthew 19:6)

Dear X,

While I can not fully appreciate your suffering because I have not been through the total breakdown of a marriage relationship, every man or woman who has been married for several years, has probably seen at least glimpses of that pain in their marriages. Even though Jesus indicated divorce could happen, He made it clear that it would be like being physically torn apart. So, tremendous pain and suffering is and will be the result. Studies show that children are better off in a family with estranged parents living in the same house than when they separate or get divorced. Separation and divorce seem like a way to rest from the pain of the relationship. But, the suffering goes on through the children. And, it can be terrible to see their suffering.

So, while you have resentment toward your wife and no longer know the inner person, she is the mother of your children and the person that you vowed before God and man to love whether well or sick (and she is spiritually sick), rich or poor and through thick and thin. It's hard to say and harder to do, but if you don't fight this divorce tooth and toenail, you will join in the responsibility for whatever crop it produces in your children. Whether you end up divorced or not, you are called to continue to do all you can to be reconciled.

Consider how we rejected God. We turned against God. We joined up with Satan and gave him our loyalty. I did not desire a relationship with the Lover of my soul. But, God did not just turn his back on us and say, "Go to hell." He struggled for us through our rejection, ridicule, flogging and crucifixion. Jesus' life and death says, "I will love you even though I don't know the person you have become. I will love you even though you hate me. I will love you no matter what you do to me."

Even though you admit you are partly at fault in the relationship breakdown, you do not have to be a party to the decision to blow it up. You are the father of your children and, for their sake, you are called to lay down your desires for another love relationship and to continue to struggle in this relationship to give them a better future. I'm sure you realize that you do not have the strength for this approach. But, God will give you grace for it if you will determine to stand by your word and fight for your children and your wife. If you win, the bride you married that seems to have died will reappear someday and will thank you. Your children will thank you for fighting to keep your vow. But now, she will hate you for taking this position. You have been terribly wounded. Are you a man of your word? Will you keep your vow that you made to God? God wants to give you grace. I know you do not want to fight on and do not want to hear this. You can do it. Do it for your children, do it for the bride that you married that seems to have died, and do it for God who died for you to see you become his son. Pray for grace to be Jesus to your family. He will give you grace to carry this cross and even to be crucified. God can bring new life where there appears to be only death.

God's desire for each of us:
It will no longer be said to you, "Forsaken,"
Nor to your land will it any longer be said, "Desolate";
But you will be called, "My delight is in her,"
And your land, "Married";
For the LORD delights in you,
And to Him your land will be married. (Isaiah 62:4)

Tips for Men Wanting To Be Successful

The president of a very successful company would follow a curious procedure when he was considering hiring a new executive. First, he would take the prospective executive out to eat at a restaurant. When they received the menu, the president would carefully watch to see if the man looked at the food first or the price first. If he focused on the food before checking the price, he failed the test.

During the meal, the president would ask his guest to pour half a glass of water for him. If the water went well beyond the halfway mark, this test was failed for not following instructions. These tests might seem insignificant to us, but not for this CEO. He has learned through much experience the wisdom of God’s three tests of a faithful man.

-- The character of a servant is revealed in little decisions. --

The three tests of a faithful servant are given to us in Luke 16:10–13. They are:

1. Being faithful in little things.
2. Being faithful with money.
3. Being faithful in carrying out another man’s work.

Those who pass these three tests are likely to have the following qualities, which are essential qualities of a faithful servant:

* Availability: Adjusting my schedule in order to accomplish the tasks that are assigned to me. This quality is the result of choosing to serve another rather than ourselves.

* Initiative: Seeing what needs to be done and doing it. All achievement begins with initiative. God demonstrated initiative when He created the world and when He provided redemption for us through Christ.

* Diligence: Accepting each task as a special assignment from the Lord and using all my resources to accomplish it. A diligent man will never lack for a job, because his boss cannot afford to lose him.

* Creativity: Finding a new and more efficient approach to accomplish a project. Every task will encounter obstacles that stop the average worker but become exciting challenges to the creative servant.

* Wisdom: Choosing the right course by listening to the counsel of God and others. A creative idea may be a foolish solution. A wise and creative person will act in harmony with the laws of nature and of God.

“Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean [obscure] men” (Proverbs 22:29).

I have known many men who are in constant jeopardy of losing their jobs because they do not excel in these five essential qualities. It would be wise to go to a trusted friend and ask him to rate your demonstration of each quality on a scale of 1–10. Remember that the wounds of a true friend are faithful (see Proverbs 27:6), and thank him for his honesty. Then, let’s do all we can to develop these vital qualities so that we can be honorable examples of a servant of Christ. (from Daily Success)

Our attitude in "little" things like seemingly unimportant leisure minutes, our boss's preferences or even care of tools or possessions will carry over to things that are of definite importance to us. We will try hard to be successful in the big things but the automatic responses of our attitudes will, in many cases, determine whether we actually achieve all our goals. May God help us to see where our attitudes need adjustment and give us grace to change.

… Whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; and whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant” (Matthew 20:26–27).
--
Subscribe to "Daily Success" (through learning to think like Jesus).

A Bag of Stones

A man was walking late one night to a distant town when he stumbled upon something in the road. Reaching down, he picked up a small bag full of stones. He looked around and stared through the darkness, attempting to see if anyone had dropped them. Seeing no one, he decided to take the bag along with him on his long journey on a moonless night.

To pass the time, he started dropping the small stones in the river bordering the road. Plop . . . plop . . . the sound was harmless amusement for the bored traveler. When he reached his destination, he had only two stones left in the bag. Entering the town, he drew closer to a street lamp off the square. Cupping the two remaining stones in his palm, he looked at them under the yellow lamplight and saw an odd twinkle and luster to the stones. He peered closer. To his shock and dismay, the small, stones were actually diamonds!
A wise prison pastor who was able to lead many of his fellow prisoners to Christ related this small story on numerous occasions. He learned through suffering that every minute could be used to further God’s kingdom, no matter what the circumstance. He often admonished others, “You can regain lost money, but not lost time. Use your time wisely in God’s service.”

Thirty-two million seconds in every year, and each second we live is a precious gift from God to use for his purposes. If we waste them, the seconds return to God, but they will not return to us. They are gone forever, like the diamonds in the silt of the river bottom. Jesus, even while being crucified, spent his final breaths offering salvation to the robber and speaking words of comfort to his mother. He even ministered to his murderers by offering them forgiveness. Imagine how precious that time was to the thief who joined Jesus in heaven that day. Are you filling your precious moments with purpose? Ask God to show you how to redeem your time, not waste it.
(from Extreme Devotion)

Our culture, and the world in general, puts priority on things that are temporary and makes the eternal things of little value. An example of this is ignoring important relationships to work on favorite projects, watch TV, or even overdoing church activity. "The Mother's War" and "Fully Known by Our Lover", are articles that bring out how we can miss the truly important things in life in pursuit of goals that we've absorbed from the surrounding culture. The only way to get correct priorities is to be guided by God's Spirit, soak up God's Word and put His Kingship as first priority. Otherwise, we are ignorantly and carelessly tossing diamonds into the river.
--

toddlers 'become aggressive'

Another warning from Pediatricians about the danger of TV for young children. But, what about the rest of us? How many of us can look back and honestly say that we wished we had watched more TV? Watching TV basically produces nothing and accomplishes very little. Let's move in the direction of less TV and more productivity in our lives. By productivity, I mean improved relationships, personal growth and just getting things done. Tonight, try turning off the tube (or computer) and try talking to your neighbor, child or spouse (if he's not watching TV).

TV toddlers 'become aggressive'

Toddlers who watch too much television can become aggressive and suffer from poor attention span, a survey claims.

The report discovered that an increasing number of children are watching television at a younger age and that nearly half of children in the study were regular viewers of television, video or DVDs by the age of three months.

The figure jumps to 90 per cent of two year olds, according to researchers who say parents are ignoring the health warnings.

Even though the study was carried out in the US, psychologists warned that it had implications for Britain.

The findings, among 1,000 children and published in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine journal, come after a psychologist in the UK claimed British children were also spending hours slumped in front of the small screen and it was "the greatest unacknowledged health threat of our time". [read more..]

By Sarah Womack, Social Affairs Correspondent

Last Updated: 2:33am BST 08/05/2007

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/05/08/ntvkids08.xml