Unconditional Respect???

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5)

A few years ago, a woman I know at work mentioned that she had said to her husband that he could have a big screen TV once he got some of the rooms in their house painted. Her words and attitude painted a picture of a competent Mom getting her lazy son to help out. In reality, her husband was and is a highly respected engineer.

Many of us live in two types of worlds: a business world where we are competent and move in relationships of respect; and a family world of love based relationships where we often face challenges outside our training and competencies. Often men do not understand how to live and communicate love as well as their wives. On the other hand, some women have difficultly with the command to respect their husband and may, instead, tend to love their husband in a way that communicates that he is just a big child.

Does Respect Trump Love?

It has been said and history seems to confirm that men understand respect and even put a higher priority on being respected than on being loved. Wives are often more competent than their husbands in caring for, understanding and raising the family. Why should they respect their husbands?

Husbands are given responsibility for which they will be held accountable. They are to be providers who give food, shelter and clothing. Fathers are to understand, teach and discipline the children. They are to lead the way in seeking God Kingdom and His righteousness. These are grave and heavy responsibilities for which each of us fathers will be called to give account. Even though no husband completely fulfills these responsibilities, every husband should be respected because of his calling and his efforts to fulfill any of them.

How Can We Show Respect?

While genuine love means laying down our lives, respect means to lift up. Children are not naturally respectful. They learn much about it from their mothers. Wives are called to lift up their husbands before their children and friends. A husband may lacking in many ways and may even seem to be little more than a boy at heart but he should be respected because he is called as a leader toward Jesus, a teacher of future generations, a provider for his family and a warrior against evil.

Being respectful means praying for them, working to help them find success in their responsibilities, and speaking highly of them to friends and children. Our culture tends to make fun of boys and men and to belittle husbands and fathers. Demonstrating respect for husbands and fathers has become counter-cultural. But, it is a key ingredient in a successful marriage and family.

The Cost of Disrespect

A few years ago, I was at retreat for Christian men. We were in a small group where challenges and needs were being shared. One very successful man was almost in tears as he told of how his wife usually expressed disdain for his ideas and goals.

A man who is not respected by his wife will be tempted to find respect outside of his marriage. He may become a workaholic, he may find another woman who seems to respect him, or he may just give up and drop out. Disrespect may undermine the very goals that are most important to a wife. Don’t wait to show respect for your husband or father until he has earned it. Express respect for him because of the position he is in and the responsibility he bears even when things don’t seem to be going well.

Finding Power To Give Respect

From the perspective of a wife's responsibilities, the success of her marriage and family may depend more on respect than love. This does not come naturally from Self. The ability of a man to give unconditional love and the ability of a woman to give unconditional respect depends on them emptying themselves and receiving God's perspective, guidance and power to give love to the unlovely and respect to the incompetent.

Project:

• Consider who is in a position of authority over you.
• Ask God for grace to show respect to them
• Pray for them.
• Pray for and Seek ways to help them achieve their responsibilities
• Find ways to lift them up before others