The formula is a lie.

You;therefore, who teach another, do you not teach yourself? (Romans 2:21)

The natural tendency in judging ourselves is to raise up some rag of a “good work” and excuse ourselves from the rest based on our good intentions. Any of these formulas might be familiar. “Maybe I'm not as close and transparent with my wife as I should be but, at least I occasionally wash the dishes.” “Maybe I didn't really seek for God's Word and power before teaching the Bible lesson but at least I do it when others won't. “ “Maybe I'm not as orderly as I should be, but at least my floor is visible.”

Our external failures may reveal a flaw of character, a wrong desire or weak faith. But, an external success does not necessarily reveal strength or goodness. We tend to make little, personal formulas in our thinking that define success in our life or relationships. But, often these formulas don't add up to truth. As we read God's Word and meditate on it, these formulas are revealed to be false. Then we choose whether we will throw out the formula or God's Word. God's Word is not presenting another set of rules and formulas for life. It is challenging us to realize that we can never live up to a true standard. God is calling us to change our way of thinking, to accept Jesus' as our redeemer from dead formulas and efforts, and to be transformed by His Spirit. Yet, we are tempted to keep living and teaching the same old formulas for self-improvement and for salvation.

Only new life from the indwelling of the Holy Spirit means anything. Once we repent of excusing our self, living by formula and doing our own thing then Jesus can truly begin to fill our being, transform our thinking, and make something of our lives. The formula is a lie.

May God give us grace to hear Him when we teach (or judge) others, realize where we need Him, repent of our self-sufficiency, and be transformed by His Spirit.

"It is better to be an honest man who tells a lie, than a liar who tells the truth." -- Bonhoffer

I Start Disappearing

Nevertheless let each one among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband. (Ephesians 5)

We have a daughter who is a late communicator. Many people, whether because of Down Syndrome, autism, disease or injury, face challenges in learning to communicate in healthy ways. We're currently learning how to be more balanced, matched, playful and responding in our interactions with our daughter. A late communicator can often feel alone and misunderstood. A late communicator may actually be able to talk quite well but may not know how to interact socially. A book we are reading to help us with this interaction is, "Play to Talk" by James McDonald. It has a poem "Respond and I will Exist". It has the following line in it.

"When you do not respond to what I do with you,
I start disappearing"

This is a reality in all our relationships and especially in our marriage relationship and in our relationship with God. When we notice, talk with, play with and try to understand our spouse, they not only feel more loved but also more substantial and real. When we stop interacting, listening and playing then our wife begins to feel like she is disappearing from our world.

Our interactions and responses to God also reveal how much He is a reality in each of our lives. If I don't try to listen to Him and don't respond to Him in my daily life, how real is He to me?

May God help us to see how we can "communicate" better, how we can interact better with those who are at the center of our life. May He give us grace to give up unhealthy habits of interaction and learn to love.

Respond and I Will Exist

When you respond to the little things I do,
My little sounds or the way I play,
I feel alive. I feel I'm real.

When you do not respond to what I do with you,
I start disappearing,
And feel I should not do what I'm doing.

When you respond to me,
I feel okay, I feel I belong to you.
I feel we are real partners.

When you do not respond to me,
I feel alone
I feel you are gone.

I am going to learn more
When you respond to whatever I do,
And then show me what to do next.

I have to feel alive to learn,
I feel alive when you respond to me.
I bet you didn't know you were that important! -- James MacDonald