Praying With Our Caps On

1 Cor 11:4 - Every man who has something on his head while praying, or prophesying, disgraces his head.

When it comes to Law, we can find both big rules and little rules. But, breaking a "little" rule is still breaking the Law. For example, it is common to see men remove their hats and caps whenever they are in prayer. 1 Cor 11:3, 7 and 8 provide a justification for this supposed rule. The justification itself is based on a spiritual principle and not on custom or culture. A related "rule" in the same section of Scripture, based on the same spiritual principle, states that women should not pray without a head covering. So, does wearing a hat while praying invalidate a man's prayer and place him in a state of sin? Is a woman in sin, if she never wears a head covering whether she is praying or not?

There are many, many possible rules that can be extracted from the New Testament. "Owe no man anything..", "A woman must remain silent in church..", "Greet one another with a kiss of love.." and whatever rule is your favorite. Yet, it is clearly stated and a basic principle in the New Testament, that the keeping of rules, the maintenance of appearance, and the mere saying of right words is of little or no value. What does matter, with infinite importance, is whether one is a new creation by the Holy Spirit.

Whether we speak or keep silent, wear our cap or remove it, and go in debt or not, is not right or wrong based on rules. These things are right or wrong based on Godly love. Godly love is the type of love that Jesus spoke of when He said, "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you." We are clearly called to die for one another. In fact, we are called to die to self -- daily. As one small example, I personally believe that it is best for men and especially myself to not drink alcoholic beverages. But, a few years ago, my bride and I were visiting a family in China who were not believers. As a sign of hospitality, the elderly father offered me a drink of liquor. There have been many times over the years when I have turned down offers of beer, wine or whiskey. In this case, however, I sensed that rejection of his sign of hospitality would create a significant obstacle to the Good News. So, I accepted his offering, drank and expressed gratefulness. And, indeed, I was sincerely grateful for his generous spirit of hospitality.

In a way, the flesh prefers rules. By picking and choosing the rules to be obeyed, it is possible to create a framework wherein the flesh can justify itself to itself. Our salvation, however, is not dependent on our ability to obey one, ten or even hundreds of rules. Salvation is possible only through the cross of Christ and it is dependent on only one thing -- whether, by God's grace, we are a new creation in our spirit. It is by God's Spirit leading us to walk in the way of genuine love that we realize the proper behavior in a specific culture, context or situation. It is in the context of love of God and love of neighbor that the letters in the New Testament were written. And, the Way of Love is still the way to discover the behavior that will be best for spreading the Light of Christ, the Good News of Jesus and God's Kingdom into any environment or community. So, as children of God and followers of Christ, whether we pray with our caps on or off, let us choose the action which is motivated not by rules but by faith working through the love of Christ which is alive in our hearts.

Rom 13:10 -- "..love is the fulfillment of the law"

Gal 5:6 -- "..faith working through love"
Gal 6:12-16
Gal 5:14 -- "..the whole law is fulfilled in one word.." Rom 14.23 -- "..whatever is not from faith is sin."

Outside the Velvet Cage

"Go.." Matthew 28:18+

God calls ordinary people like you and me to heroic accomplishment for His Kingdom. The astonishing fact is that He will work this through weakness. To say, "I can't but I will try and see what God does" is to open the floodgates of God's power into this world. But, too often, I stop at the "I can't" and implicitly believe Satan's lie that God is either non-existent or un-interested. Tiny steps of faith are the keys to God's storehouse of power. The programming of our lives to fit the cultural norm is one way that we limit God's power. It is a little scary to be different. The programming of church services is one manifestation of this fear of risk. Many church services could keep on going week after week even after the Holy Spirit has stopped showing up. Most of us have been careful to eliminate the spots in our lives and churches where we might actually have to be dependent on God's power. In the book of John, Jesus said that we must abide in Him or we would accomplish absolutely nothing. The sad thing is that we can satisfy ourselves with the apparent security of busy-ness while achieving nothing, nada and zip. So, we have lives and churches that are like mice running in tiny circles within the security of a cage. The cat won't get us but we will die of hyperactivity and old age without ever getting anywhere. Lord, help me and all those reading this to hear your voice and to take the first tiny step of faith. Let's each ask God for some tiny amount of guts and faith in Him to say, "I can't but I will trust and try" and take some steps outside of the comfortable, velvet cage.

Liars Telling The Truth

Romans 12:2 - "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed.."

Human beings are very good at conforming. Instead of being who we really are, we modify our external appearance and behavior to conform to external pressures. The pressures could be cultural. Recently, I saw our Secretary of State wearing a head covering because she was in a country where this was expected of women. But, it was obviously not a permanent change. The pressure could be job related as when we must arrive at a certain time. We might even be required to smile. When I was in college, on my first interview trip, I felt pressure to order a alcoholic drink in order to seem more sophisticated. Since I didn't know what I was doing, I ordered and drank something that was not appropriate for lunch for an interviewee. My attempt to look sophisticated was a disaster. Conforming means we give in to the pressure and adopt a behavior that is not connected to who we really are internally. As all parents soon learn, behavior and appearance can be temporarily modified by external pressure. But, when that external constraint is removed, the genuine inner person will soon be manifest.

The incredible good news of Jesus is that we are no longer stuck with being a born loser trying to conform to the image of a winner. When we trust Jesus as the sacrifice for our sin and cling to Him as our only hope, as our Lover, and as our Lord, we receive His Spirit as a gift. We instantly receive the spirit of the Eternal Victor. There is no longer the need for God to surround us with fences, regulations and dress codes. Our deepest desires are changed so that we genuinely want to know and do the will of the Father. This change happens in our spirit and begins to percolate through our whole being. This leads to struggles between the desires of the new spirit and the nasty appetite of the old flesh. As Bonhoeffer said, "It is better to be a honest man who tells a lie, than a liar who tells the truth."

God commands us to love Him. Yet, it is impossible to have commanded love. No bride wants her husband to show love because it is an obligation. The only way we can genuinely love is to have the spirit of love. To give because it is a requirement is a waste of the gift, "for God loves a cheerful giver". The movie, "The Sound of Music", shows the change in a family that goes from rule conformity to living in love. At first, the children responded quickly to the whistle and acted like well trained, little soldiers. Later, the father experienced their genuine love and hugs. No father or mother wants a hug that is given out of obligation because it is basically a lie. A loving son can break many customs and rules and still have an obedient attitude. But, a son with a rebellious attitude can never keep enough rules to communicate love. "So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God." The truth of who we are in the depths of our being as a person, a family or a church is infinitely more important than the appearances, rules and obligations to which we conform. May the Lord Jesus be our focus, our love and our hope such that we are genuine sons of God rather than just liars who have learned to tell the truth.

Joy Seed

So is the kingdom of God, as if a man should cast seed into the ground;
and should sleep, and rise night and day, and the seed should spring and grow up,
he knows not how.

No man is satisfied with who he is. Every man or woman wants change in some way. Being braver, wiser, more knowledgeable, more influential, or more Christ-like are just a few of the ways we might want to change. Anyone who wants their life or a relationship to go to a new level must personally expect and experience internal change. If anyone wants to change, they must first change their thinking. In the parable of the sower, Jesus described four types of soil and the response to the seed. The seed was God's Word. As we take in God's Word, it will sprout, grow up, and begin to produce everlasting fruit in our lives. As we act on our changed thinking and encourage others to take in the Word of life, we will sometimes be surprised to see how new life springs up in them. But, without the seed, the fruit can not even begin to grow.

A man may hope for his children to be spiritually strong. He might want a strong marriage with a partnership in meaningful ministry. As life draws to a close, a man may want to be able to look back and see lasting results from his life. These things don't happen by accident. These fruits require good seed. But, many men fail to cast good seed into their own soul let alone the souls of those in their family or sphere of influence. There is another type of seed. Bad seed that comes from the world system and it produces temporary fruit like riches, status and pleasure. If we're not careful, the bad seed of wrong values, poor priorities and self-focus can and will choke out the fruit we really want in our families and in our selves. When we experience the fruit that God wants in our lives we will be filled with joy. But, are we planting weed seeds or joy seeds?

May God help each of us to daily get His Word into our souls.

Mark 4:26+, Matthew 13

Notes on Courageous Conversations

Last week, Ouida and I facilitated the "ReConnect" class during the Bible Class hour. This is a class of married couples who have been married for several years. Many of the families have young people in the youth ministry. The previous couple of weeks had focused on faith, repentance, confession and transformation on a somewhat general level. During this class, we hoped to bring these ideas into focus on marriage relationships. For those of you who couldn't make it, here are our notes for the class. We appreciate those of you who prayed for us and for this class. It really seemed to hold attention and several signed up for follow-up information.

----- ----- -----

Great Sex

Canadian sex therapist and researcher Peggy Kleinplatz, along with graduate students at the University of Ottawa, have done a ten year study on "great sex".

Below are the eight things commonly identified as important by those who were having great sex.

• Being present, focused, and embodied
  

--> not distracted by external issues of the present or past or fears of the future

• Connection, alignment, merger, being in sync

--> unity, understanding

• Deep sexual and erotic intimacy
  

--> physical but also emotional and spiritual

• Extraordinary communication, heightened empathy

--> communication

• Authenticity, being genuine, uninhibited, transparency
  

--> understanding, trust

• Transcendence, bliss, peace, transformation, healing
  

--> God designed sex to be healing and transforming. But it is often damaging because of a self-focus.

• Exploration, interpersonal risk-taking, fun
  

--> trust, freedom

• Vulnerability and surrender
  

--> trust, openness

Teevee -- Eve Merriam (read by Ouida)
In the house
of Mr. and Mrs. Spouse
he and she
would watch teevee
and never a word
between them spoken
until the day
the set was broken.

Then "How do you do?"
said he to she,
"I don't believe
that we've met yet.
Spouse is my name
What's yours?" he asked.

"Why mine's the same!"
said she to he,
"Do you suppose that we could be--?"

But the set came suddenly right about,
and so they never did find out.

Psalms 133:1

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!

God loves unity. Brothers, families, congregations and marriages are meant to dwell in unity. Unity does not mean thinking the same thoughts. Rather, it means that we share common goals, values and priorities. Unity means conflict is confronted and resolved in love.

--

What is "Unresolved Conflict"?

• Differences of opinion or perspective but with a component of power. "We" will do it my way.

• Each other's perspectives are not understood.
• "Being right" is more important than being happy.
• "Being right" is more important than mercy and truth.
• Hanging on the edge of change.
  

--

What are the effects of "Unresolved Conflict"???

• Does not "go away" with time
  

• Steals trust
• Like a hidden infection
• Half-hearted commitment (verbal agreement but lacking follow through)
• creates stress
• drains love

--

James 5:16

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed

It is vital to our marriage relationships that we resolve conflict. If we see and admit our mistakes, failures and sins, then we can change, heal and grow. But, if we insist on being "right" as a priority over mercy and truth, we will become stuck on the edge of change and our relationship will begin to decay. Change means death to the old way and learning a new way. Change means death to self and requires courage and courageous conversations.

We learned about Courageous Conversations at a marriage seminar presented by Chris Hogan. They can be applied in any relationship. So, you might want to consider how to use this approach in other contexts. But, today, focus on its use in marriages.

What is A Courageous Conversation?

It is not:

• Defending, explaining or complaining
• Being "right"
  

It is Ten questions to help us:

• Find mercy and truth
  

• Understand another perspective
• Understanding is not the same as agreement
• But, understanding is essential
  
• Explore responsibilities
• Seek a hopeful future
  
• Bring God's presence and power into the solution
• Define new direction

What "Courageous Conversations" have meant to us. -- Ouida

• Courageous Conversation questions..

Demonstration -- A volunteer couple

The following is from the perspective of the spouse who is asking the questions. The goal is understanding. It is not to prove who is right.

• Question 1 - What issue seems most pressing in your thinking at this time?

• What I hear you saying is .... Is that right?
• Avoid self-defense, explaining or complaining
• Write down the issue.
  

• Question 2 - Is there anything else?
• The real issue may come out if the initial issue is not shot down.
  

• Question 3 - How is this affecting you? Or others?
  
• Seeking understanding.
• What I hear you saying is .... Is that right?

• Question 4 - If this continues what does the future look like to you?
• Deepen understanding
• Gives motivation to change
  
• What I hear you saying is .... Is that right?

• Question 5 - What is my responsibility in this?
• No defending, explaining or complaining

• Question 6 - What is your responsibility in this?
• Listen
  
• Don't offer suggestions
  

• Question 7 - What do you see as the preferable future?
• What I hear you saying is .... Is that right?

• Question 8 - What is the most powerful thing we can agree to ask God to do?
• A good time to agree in prayer

• Question 9 - Based on the above, what is the one thing we cannot fail to do?
• Failure in this one thing would mean all other activities are futile.

• Question 10 - What practical steps do we need to take to make this happen?
• 20% of the things we could do will have an 80% effect. What are those 20% activities?
• Put these steps on the calendar or organizer

John 1:5-8

This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.

If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth;

but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.

If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.


Note: When we start to defend, explain or complain, then we are essentially saying that we have no sin. In contrast, when we see ourselves from another perspective, we may see the need to seek forgiveness for our actions, words, attitudes or motives. When this happens, we are personally transformed and our relationships are also transformed.

Lost Salvations

Once saved or always saved? This question was posed by one of our Alpha course attendees on her blog at http://imgodsfav.blogspot.com. Churches and families have divided over this question. Part of the reason is that both sides of the question can be supported by Scripture depending on the interpretation or emphasis used. Another reason is how one defines being "saved".

God certainly gives us free will and does not force us to obey Him. We do not become his children by obeying a set of rules or following a formula but by being sealed, changed and reborn in spirit. If, through Christ, we have received the Holy Spirit and are being led by the Spirit of Christ, then we are God's children. Only at this point can we ask the question whether this child of God can turn away from following God's Spirit, reject all of God's grace and again choose to live the life of a rebel.

The temptation is to seek a formula by which I can say, "I'm Saved!" And, having once obeyed the formula, I can now live how "I" want and not worry about heaven, hell or ignoring God will. In this case, one would be putting their hope and trust in a formula rather than in Christ. If we have little or no desire to seek God and His ways, are we actually His child? Have we actually had our heart renewed by the Holy Spirit? Are we trusting in Jesus? Or, are we still trusting in ourselves and in our performance of some ceremony, special prayer or a "good life".

We might even be trusting in our heritage. Some people believe they have always been Christians. When I was young, I believed this for a while. If we have not recognized our rebellious attitude toward God, our willing choice to lie, to cheat, to hate and to hurt others and have not changed our mind about that sin and embraced Jesus' sacrifice for our sin, then we are trusting in a false god. Jesus died for you to find life. Without Him my life would be nothing but despair. May I live this day for you, Jesus. The false salvations of trusting in heritage, ceremonies and formulas will all be lost.

Parental Temptation

Parents want to help their children avoid lack, hunger and pain. But, many times the young lions reject help and counsel. In times past, many parents themselves were young lions who made similar choices, suffered lack and hopefully learned to seek the Father who became their Lord and who is the Lover of their soul.

The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the LORD shall not want any good thing. (Psalm 34:10)

As parents, we want good things for our children and we especially want them to be pain free. A parenting course called "Love or Logic" described three types of parents. Many parents are "helicopter parents", who constantly rescue their children from consequences. Other parents are "drill-sergeant parents" who attempt to control the decisions and lives of their children to help them avoid mistakes. These parental attitudes are manifest very early in the life of each child. Personally, I tend to vacillate between these types. But, we are called to be "consultant parents" who are available as life consultants. At some level, all children, even babies, can begin to learn to live with the pain or reward of their own choices and can experience the option of seeking wise counsel.

God allows the consequences of wrong choices, sin, and evil to wash over this world. Out of all this, the best thing that can happen to us is one choice -- that we choose to seek and love Him. This love is available through Jesus but it is not genuine if it is forced on us. Until we choose to seek and to love God in every part of our life, we will suffer lack. Love is eagerly waiting and will come running as soon as we choose to turn toward Him. The parental temptation is to rescue or control, but finding wisdom and love of God is infinitely more important than avoiding pain.

The Wound That Brings Life

From His mouth comes a sharp sword, so that with it He may strike down the nations, (Rev 19)

As I waited in the dentist chair yesterday, I began to think about this image in Revelations. The army of Christ is dressed in white and sitting on white horses. At the head of the army is Jesus, the living Word of God. It struck me that it is significant that he is not holding the sword in his hand. The sharp sword is in his mouth and it is a double-edged sword that can divide between soul and spirit. This sword can pierce the inner heart and thoughts of a person and give a wound that gives life instead of death. This sword is God's Word of love, reconciliation and a call to a change of mind. When it pierces a person's heart, that person has the opportunity to be healed of their rebellion toward God.

The sword that man naturally desires and carries is the sword of force, fear and death. When we don't agree with someone, we are naturally tempted to threaten, hurt and kill. This can happen at various levels. For example, one level might happen in a marriage, "No more sex" or "I want a divorce". This level is the threat and action against a intimate relationship. Another level is to "excommunicate", to cut off a friendship or to leave someone out of family gatherings. There are other threats to jobs, finances, and freedom. And, there is force against the physical body. None of these types of force can equal the power of God's sword.

Man's sword can affect external behavior and it can bring pain, discouragement and fear. But, it can not bring life. In contrast, God's sword has the power to change the inner being and to bring light, hope, and life where there was darkness, despair and death. Care is required. This sword requires a grip of love. If we try to wield God's truth out of fear, hate or anger, then we drop God's sword and we are swinging a sword made by a man. Lovingly speak the truth of God to someone today and you might give a wound that brings life.

Joy Begins Today

I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth. (3 John 1:4)

As parents of older children, many of whom are adults, my bride and I definitely know what it means when it says that there is no greater joy than to see your children walking in the truth. The more our children walk in the truth, the more joy we have. Most parents want their children to grow up to walk in the truth. But, it does not have immediate priority because many concerns shoulder their way into our lives. Yet, the future spiritual strength of our children has its foundation in Today and has roots that extend into the energy of their parent's spiritual life. Parents that are depending on children's Bible classes, youth groups and the activities of their local church to make up for their own lack of spiritual life will often be disappointed. Growing children with a strong faith in Jesus and a life given to His service (no matter what their career) is a huge challenge in our culture.

So the dragon was enraged with the woman, and went off to make war with the rest of her children, who keep the commandments of God and hold to the testimony of Jesus. (Rev 12)

Many young people that talk spiritual in their youth groups wind up losing that focus in college and in the early years of their careers. As a result, their young faith can become meaningless in their lives, relationships and families. Even if parents are excited about seeking and serving Jesus, their children must still come to the point of embracing or rejecting Jesus as central to their life. This is made more difficult because there is significant pressure in our culture to make Christians into the image of ignorant, rule-following, hypocritical haters. To counteract cultural pressure, children need to deeply experience the reality of Christ's love and truth in their families. The foundation of this love, truth, and faith is the responsibility of the parents. Children will become adults with free will to embrace, reject or hold Christ at arm's length. Doing all we can is no guarantee that children will walk in the truth. But, the less we do as parents focused on Jesus, the more we will expose our children to the influence and lies of our culture. If we want the joy of seeing our children walking in the truth, then we must begin today with prayer for wisdom, personally seeking a deeper relationship with Christ, and taking God led action.

But when Jesus saw this, He was indignant and said to them, "Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. (Mark 10)